4 Ways To Stay Intentionally Married

Tonight Tiffany and I are going out to celebrate our 9 year anniversary!  We were married on August 7th, 2004.  Okay, so the celebrations are a little off by a few days, but whose counting, right?  Over the course of 9 years we have moved 8 times, served in 3 different churches, had 3 children, and remodeled 2 homes.  We have gone through our share of ups and downs.  Yet, she is still my best friend, and I cannot imagine what my life would be like without her.  The other day she went to the Women of Faith Conference in Philadelphia which meant that she left us for Friday and Saturday.  Listen, I am not complaining, grumbling, or looking for the congratulatory wow-you-made-it pat on the back.  I am a dad, not a babysitter.  I should be able to feed, bathe, and clothe my kids so that my wife can get away and recharge.  Doing the girls hair?  That’s another story.  While she was gone, I found myself thinking, everything is more fun with her around.

I realize that God has blessed me beyond what I deserve with a loving wife and best friend.  This doesn’t happen overnight.  We have worked hard to make sure that we stay in love, and that we continue to develop our friendship together.  Here are 4 practical ways that we stay intentionally married.

1.  Delayed Dinner

Every now and then Tiffany and I will feed the kids and then get them in bed before we sit down and enjoy a meal together.  There is nothing worse than seeing Tiffany work so hard on an awesome meal only to have it be peppered with arguing children.  It is so enjoyable to slow things down and share a meal together- just the two of us.

2.  Laugh at the kids

Yes.  I said at, not with.  We make sure that we laugh AT our kids.  Why not?  They are so funny!  They are consistently providing us with quality entertainment.  Have you seen this video?  Man, that’s a throw back.  But it cracks me up every time.  When the kids are going crazy, and the house is filled with noise, loose lego pieces and creepy dolls laying facedown, Tiffany and I have to just look at each other and laugh.  This is a crazy life, but it’s our life.  Laughing helps!

3. What are 3 things you want to do?

That is a question that we have gotten in the habit of asking each other on Thursday night.  It helps because it clarifies the expectations that we each have for the next day.  It also ensures that we are taking care of the other person’s needs.  Here’s an example of one of my things… I told Tiffany the other day that I wanted to just enjoy my cup of coffee on the porch.  That may sound like nothing, but that was huge to me.  The ‘3 things’ do not have to be big, but it has been so healthy and meaningful to us.

4. Put your spouse first

We live in a culture that adores our kids.  I get it.  I love my kids too.  There is little else that brings me as much joy as my kids.  But there should be at least two things that bring me more joy than they do; my relationship with God, and my relationship with my wife.  If I have my relationships out of order than I am going to be setting myself up for failure.  I put my relationships in this order, God, Tiffany, Kids, and then my ministry.  I am a better husband when I am a better follower of Jesus.  I am a better dad when I am a better husband, and I am a better pastor when everything before it has been well taken care of.  We need to be careful that we love our kids, not worship them.  Practically this means that sometimes we won’t make everyone of Noah’s soccer games because we have something as a family that is more important.

What else would you add to the list?  How do you stay intentionally married.  Leave a comment below.  I’d love to hear it.

~Peter

4 Reasons To Make Your Kids Cry

Owning up to the truth is always a good thing.  So today in an effort to be totally transparent with you guys, I must admit something.

There are times when I make my kids cry….

It’s true.  This is a picture of my daughter taken on Monday of this week.  She looks really happy doesn’t she?  I think that being a good dad, or parent means that you are going to make your kids cry from time to time!

Here are 4 reasons why it’s good to make your kids cry.

1.  They are laughing so hard that they cry!

Parents-make your kids laugh, make them laugh hard!  Your house should be one of the most fun places that your children are at during their whole week!  Dad’s make sure that your stern disciplinarian side isn’t the only side of you that your kids see.  Play with them.  Get down on their level and just mess around.  Be silly. Use your silly voices.  Imagine with them.

2.  You pushed them out of the way of danger!

There are times when your scary voice comes out.  You know exactly which one I am talking about.  It is the one that when it is used everyone around knows you mean business.  There are times when it is appropriate to allow that voice to come out in order to protect your children from danger.  When my daughter Grace was careening out of control towards the street on her bike, the scary voice came out and scared her.  She cried.  I was trying to protect her from danger.  Parents protect your kids from danger, even if it means there will be tears because of it.

3.  You showed them a better way!

Kids will be kids.  They make mistakes.  They fall down and scrape their knees.  Sometimes their mistakes are willful.  Sometimes they are pushing the boundaries and testing you to see if you will help show them a better way.  In these moments lovingly guiding your child, teaching them that their is a better way can lead to tears.  Discipline is never fun, even for adults.  But it is so important to our children.  Parents do not be afraid to cause tears over matters that are significant.

4.  You are hugging them so tight that they can’t breath!

Okay Parents DON’T actually hug your kids so hard that they can’t breathe.  Parents DO– LOVE YOU KIDS so well that it is unmistakable.  Love them in a way that ensures that they know it.  Speak the love language of your kid.  (Gary Chapman wrote a great book on this topic: “The 5 Love Languages of Children“)  Whatever you do make sure that they know you love them.  This means more than just saying the words I LOVE YOU.  It means showing them that you love them.  Something my dad always said which has never left me was that you don’t spell love L-O-V-E.  You spell it T-I-M-E.  Love your kids well.

So, what things would you add to the list?  How have you made your kids cry?  Add to the list by leaving a comment or a thought below.

~Peter