The lyrics from Jimmy Soul’s song, If You Want To Be Happy, always haunted me as a teenager. Was it true? Did I need to follow his advice in order to be happy for the rest of my life? Check out his advice for all you single men.
If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So from my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you
What is up with that guy? I can tell you that in order to be happy you don’t need to look under the ugly tree. Dating can be one of the most difficult times of your life, or it can be one of the most exciting times! Here are a few tips to help intentionally date him or her.
1. Foster Friendship
When you start the relationship out from the basis of having already been friends, communication comes easier. Friends tell other friends that there is something in their teeth. There isn’t a hesitation to share with the other person. This isn’t to say that if you started dating someone who wasn’t your friend at first that it will fail, it just means that you need to work harder to foster your friendship. Work as hard to foster your friendship as your romantic attraction towards one another. Romance is awesome, but friendship is life giving. Tiffany and I were very intentional about creating an authentic friendship by letting go of the pressure to be the person we thought the other one wanted to date. It allowed us to get to know the real person and fall in love with them.
2. Experience Life Together
Life is the sum of so many events and activities. Unfortunately I talk to too many dating couples who only go to the same few places together. It’s so predictable, Dinner, a Movie, and then maybe drinks afterwards. Life is more than dinner and movies. Go experience all of what life has to offer. You don’t need to live together, or play house in order to do this. Tiffany and I would do all sorts of things together. If one of us needed to go somewhere, the other usually tagged along. We ran together, studied together, played ultimate frisbee together, went to church together and served there together as well. We were able to see each other’s strength’s, passions, and honestly one another’s weakness’ as well. There is more to a relationship than dinner and a movie!
3. Bare Your Soul
Bare your soul, not your body–that will come later. Before you worry about getting naked, worry about getting intimate. Intimacy is much more than sex. Intimacy is being willing to be open and honest about your failures, and fears. Intimacy is being transparent with another person and not feeling like you need to maintain an image. When you bear your soul to the other person, there is no fear of them finding something out–you’ve already told them! Is it scary? You bet. Is it worth it? More than you could imagine. Seriously though, when you are transparent and honest, you get to just be yourself. After all, that’s the only person you have to offer if and when you get to that altar. Before Tiffany and I were even dating, one of the very first nights that we hung out we sat on a bench and began to open up to one another about who we really were. I knew that there was something worth pursuing there because I could see that there was an incredible depth of character. She was a real person not just a facade.
Dating can be extraordinarily fun. Especially when you are intentional about what you are up to. There’s a ton of jokesters out there. I think these three things help sniff em out so you can move past them!
~Peter
Here’s a throwback to our dating days! I can’t believe that she said yes even though I wore chunky hemp necklaces and rocked the George Clooney haircut!
Peter Gowesky 